


a time when this love was not poisoned

by orphan_account



Series: hymns [2]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: M/M, POV Second Person, Prose Poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 09:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4824317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, when you dream, you dream of second chances - okay, so this time you are <i> not </i><br/>in love with a liar. Okay, so this time you are <i> not </i> worshiping, this time you do <i> not </i> know how to worship and you never learn and okay, so this time there are no nightmares, and</p><p>everyone is waiting for something interesting to happen, counting down on their fingers until the day comes, and he says that he can</p><p>help you, he says that he can save you, but this time you are not feeding yourself to the nightmare, and saying: <i> I have never loved anyone more than I love you. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	a time when this love was not poisoned

Sometimes, when you dream, you dream of second chances - okay, so this time you are  _not_

in love with a liar. Okay, so this time you are  _not_

worshiping, this time you do  _not_ know how to worship and you never learn and  _okay,_ so this time there are no nightmares, and

 

everyone is waiting for something interesting to happen, counting down on their fingers until the day comes, and he says that he can

 

help you, he says that he can save you, but this time you are  _not_ feeding yourself to the nightmare, and saying:  _I have never loved anyone more than I love you._ _  
_

 

Okay, so this time you see the nightmare and run and never feel guilty. Okay, so this time pretend like you're  _really_ trying, pretend like you haven't

 

been crying. Rub your eyes. Get back to the stage.

 

It's too early to think about nightmares. Think about trees, think about the way he loved you but didn't, think about the end of the world, think about nightmares -  _don't_ think about nightmares. Why would you think about nightmares? You've learned your lesson, but eventually he is going to find a way

 

to end this world, and we are going to have to stop him. Okay, so this time, in this universe you are dreaming of where you get a second chance and you  _don't_ make

 

the same mistake, or any mistake, there are no nightmares for you to push yourself into, and you've thought about this already - Okay, so this time there are no numbers. Okay, so this time, we can't count on our fingers. Okay, so this time, there is no Bill Cipher. Right? Isn't that what you've been trying to say all along? Okay, so this time, he loves you back, and -

 

You know what happens when you dream about second chances.

 

Maybe you do this on purpose.

 

"Well, well, well... look who's dreaming about me! That's cute."

 

_Say something other than that. Tell me that I am not doing this on purpose. Tell me that this dream isn't real. Pretend for a few minutes that we're together again, and you are ruining me, and I am letting you. Pretend that I am holding your hand. Tell me that this dream isn't real. Tell me that you love me. Pretend for a few minutes that you have something worth loving. Pretend with me, because you love pretending, don't you? You love pretending, just like you pretended_

 

_that I was something worth loving, something worth touching, something that you'd count down for, and okay, so this time, I'm asleep and we are pretending like nothing happened._

 

"I do like to play pretend. Who doesn't like to play pretend? Okay, so this time I am human. Picture it, Stanford. Isn't that what you've always wanted? A way to touch me,  _really_ touch me, and not feel guilty about it. Okay, so this time I love you back and I am  _not_ going to hurt you. I was never going to hurt you."

 

_Okay, so this time, you are not going to hurt me. What else?_

 

"Okay, so this time, I'm not a nightmare, but you're still pushing yourself into me and telling me that you've never loved anyone more. Okay, so this time, you know that I'm telling the truth. I'm not a nightmare, and this dream isn't real."

 

_Are you really here?_

 

"What do you think? You're so pathetic, you're dreaming of me just because you need to talk to someone. You're dreaming of me because you need to pretend. What do you think?"

 

Okay, so this time you are  _not_ dreaming of second chances because you want to pretend, and okay, so this time he doesn't want to hurt you, and okay,  _okay,_ so this time you are  _not_ in love with something rotten, and you get peaceful sleep without  _well, well, well_ and again: you don't know how to worship, but you want to learn. You want to learn.

 

Okay, so this time there is no Bill Cipher, and there is no Stanford Pines.

 

Okay, so this time there is a love story, a fairy tale, complete with an evil king, except there is a twist - you are in _love_ with the evil king, and that is the love story, that is the fairy tale, the end. Okay, so this time, you are good with words, and you are writing epics for him. Long stories about a hero and an evil king. Except. In this epic, there is no hero, and you are not making the same mistake over and over again, and you are not ripping yourself apart so that the tiny pieces of you fit inside of him better, and this time there is no epic and no little pieces of you, and this time the evil king is banished, and everything is  _okay._

 

Okay, so this time, you can't keep track of all the lives that you have lived in your dreams. Okay, so this time, you can. Okay, so this time, you don't open your wrists for him to climb into.

 

Okay, so this time, there is no Bill Cipher.

 

Too many possibilities.

 

It can get overwhelming.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> what is it with me and the poetic conversations between ford and bill! what! anyways:
> 
> "This love's not over  
> This love's not over  
> And we can make a raft from all the dead trees  
> And set sail for better times  
> To a time when this love was not poisoned  
> I was kind and I was kind" - "Atonement", Bloc Party.


End file.
